A Tinge of Something Pink and Yellow

Splashing some color into my daily life is Bespren.

I thought the color will fade to grey after he returns from vacation, much like how SonMar faded a few months back, but the butterflies kept coming back and my heart skips a beat even when I hear only footsteps!

Another wrong involvement. Ouch!

There were times when I wish I had come here in Jimi sooner. Maybe two or three months earlier, and he wouldn't be married then. But dreaming about it is totally evil and hopeless at the same time, so the best thing to do is to let go of the cruel fantasies and wish him a happy, married life. It's hard to do, actually. Not the wishing him happiness part, but the letting go part. Funny thing is, we are not together. We never said we like each other. We don't even talk about whatever is between us. We are just...we. If he hugs me, I'll hug him back. If he kisses me, I'll kiss him back. We keep it to only physical activities because it would only hurt to be emotional about it. But I have crossed the physical and am turning emotional and huhuhuhuhu.

But in the middle of those huhuhuhu moments, I feel happy when he comes to the staff room whenever he sees me on my break time, when he smells my hair, when he went with me to Spinney's to buy liquor and finding time to drink with us (and stealing a chance to be with me), when he called me the morning after to say be careful on my way home, and all those times he makes me laugh with his (make-up) stories.

I feel totally uneasy, though, when the staff talks about his wife (who was a staff of Jimi who resigned after they got married the month I came here, so everybody knows her) and I get goosebumps whenever she visits the site and I see them together.

Huhuhuhuhuhu. T_T

I will wait for the day when the tinge of something pink and yellow blurs out and eventually turns to...purple. Haha. Nah, let's hope for grey.