Totally CRACK! post. RATED for perversion.

Totally CRACK! post. RATED for perversion.

IN BED WITH MY FAVE JUMP! SHOUNENS

I am a self-confessed perverted person that thinks of perverted things I can do with these guys:

Monkey D. Luffy (One Piece)
With his personality, I doubt it if he will find any interest in girls, but if I can get past through that barrier, then good Lord… I mean, he is a Rubberman - he can stretch ANY part of his body. Imagine the things we can do with his…ahem. Plus he’s got that Gear Third ability that leaves me with hell lots of extreme sexual possibilities that I’d rather not put in here. Well, putting his abilities aside, he has a lanky body that doesn’t give too much of sexual impression. He likes to experiment though, and he can think of cool new moves even in the middle of a heated activity. All in all, a very good partner in bed.

Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)
Ah…he’s the man. Rough play, rough words, hmm~ He’s got a buffed up body, well-toned muscles, and lots of battle scars which totally makes him sexier, and I would surely like to lay my hands on. And the best thing? He has this huge amount of stamina and willpower, and if he converts it to sexual energy, imagine how long we can go on about our activity. And if he is so skilled enough to use his mouth to hold up a sword, I bet he can surely think of other better things his mouth can do. Hmm~

Asakura Hao (Shaman King)
For the record, I think he is the sexiest man to grace the pages of Shounen Jump! I don’t care if he is a pyromaniac or if his sense of justice is twisted, but I’d do almost anything just to get one night with this guy. You bet.

Sanji (One Piece)
He is the most perverted member of the crew (lately to be rivaled by Brooke), but he is probably one of the gentlest men I can think of in this list (the other being Asakura Yoh). Lots and lots of foreplay, sweet comforting words, promises of the future. He will never stop until he gives his partner the satisfaction she needed. Sine he is a very nice and gentle guy, I feel so bad just thinking of perverted thoughts about him, so I’ll just leave it as it is.

Hyuuga Neji (Naruto)
If he can use his eyes to find a person’s chakra points, then by all means, I’ll let him use his Byakugan to find other interesting points within my body. Lusting after Neji is easy, but thinking of the things one can do with Neji is hard. Don’t know why. This is the same case with Asakura Hao. Maybe because I have this twisted impression of the two of them being the sex gods in the manga world.

Asakura Yoh (Shaman King)
Here is another person who’ll be offering sweet words, whispers of I Love You’s, and loving caresses. I can totally imagine the happiness and security I would feel if I wake up the next morning and find his gentle form by my side. Being a very good guy that doesn’t deserve to be desecrated by my hideously perverted mind, I’ll just leave the thoughts of whatever happened during the night in my imagination.

Nara Shikamaru (Naruto)
Since he wanted to watch the clouds so badly, I’ll just challenge him to do it on the roof. Anyway, a brain that can think of 100 strategies during battle will be very helpful during sex. Since he’s just lazying around when not on missions, I guess he has so much conserved energy that will also be very useful at nights, in bed.

Hiruma Youichi (Eyeshield 21)
This is hard. Too fucking hard. I can never play mind games with a devil, so I will never be able to expect what he can do in bed. But somehow, visions of a fucking old abandoned warehouse or unused classroom or a private locker seems to float in my mind, along with the fucking handcuffs, firearms, and spy cameras. There has got to be fucking spy cameras! He will never lose this opportunity to add this in his fucking Devil’s Handbook. In any case, his favorite word is fuck so I believe he’ll be very good at it too.

Urahara Kisuke (Bleach)
I think he’ll be playful in bed. I bet he is the master of foreplay and teasing. This guy is very mysterious and full of surprises, and I honestly don’t know what else he could do, but we all know he was able to make a perfect gigai, Hougyoku, and even that hidden training grounds. See the creativity here? But I don’t think he’ll be around the following morning, though. Unless we did it on that flying carpet of his, of course. Or better yet, his store.

Gaara (Naruto)
Umm…if, by any God-given luck, I successfully get him inside my room, I’ll definitely offer him STRONG coffee first. Gotta make sure he doesn’t go berserk during lovemaking, ne? And after that…I guess we’ll just stare at each other till I fall asleep. Too bad. But this is my blog, and I’ll definitely not end it here since this is Gaara we’re talking about, so I did not fall asleep, and I do not know how the hell will we end up in bed, but we did. There. But this is still Gaara, and I don’t like the idea of his sands snaking all over my body. I don’t know, but I have this creepy feeling that he’ll accidentally “Desert Coffin” me when he reaches climax. I do not want to die yet, so maybe lusting after Gaara wasn’t a very good idea after all.

Rock Lee (Naruto)
I can totally read his mind: “If I can’t make her moan louder, I’ll give her 100 kisses over here and here and here. And if she doesn’t come, I’ll thrust 100 times faster. And if she doesn’t cry out my name when she reaches her climax, I’ll watch 100 porn movies to harness my skills!” How’d you like that?

***

So there. This idea suddenly came up when I got so bored while ironing the clothes, and it cracked me up. I was thinking of other characters, but I decided to start with Shounen Jump, so this post will probably be in installments. Just thought I'd share it with myself, for future laughs.