Capacity Exceeded

Recently, mas nagiging strong yung urge ko to leave the company. I remember my boss saying that it is okay with him if we would wish to quit our job, basta daw sana naman maganda yung parting. Na hindi dahil sa galit kami sa company, or dahil we feel na hindi kami important to them.

Too bad, though, since both mostly makes up the reason why I want to leave.

For more than a month now, masasabi ko naman na I've been more than a hardworking person. More than 70 hours of overtime work, hanggang bahay bitbit pa ang trabaho, not eating on time para lang mabawasan yung workload, umuuwi sa bahay para lang kumuha ng damit then balik na naman sa resort para magtrabaho ulit, and papasok even on my day-off (albeit pwersahan). Sobrang swerte na lang nila na single ako at walang pamilya, else, hindi nila ako mahahagilap at magagamit ng ganito.

And then, for just a single mistake, masasabihan ako ng "Anu ba naman yan, ayus-ayusin mo nga trabaho mo."

I broke down. I cried.

Nagulat siguro si mommy (that was said over the phone, afternoon shift ako nun at nasa bahay pa ako) when I got teary at nagkulong na lang ako sa banyo after nun. I've been in the company for more than 2 years now, and masasabi naman siguro ng lahat na naging matatag at matiyaga ako. Kaya maybe it is okay to be emotional sometimes. Grabe ang tulo ng luha ko. After that, I texted the other supervisor to inform him na hindi ako makakapasok for "personal reasons."

Which are: (1) to think over if it is still worth it to continue working for the company; (2) to rethink my goals and future plans; and (3) to cool my head down.

Basically, yung 3rd lang ang nagawa ko. The rest of the day, naglaro lang ako ng Gardenscapes.

Well I guess yung una e talagang no need na, since at the back of my mind, talagang aalis na ako after summer. Yung pangalawa...well, yan ang topic na iniiwasan ko sa totoo lang.

That was the third time na pinaiyak ako ng company. After nung second, I told myself na pag napaiyak pa nila ako a third time, then yun na yung limit ng capacity to endure ko. And it probably is.

I haven't handed my resignation letter yet, but I'm planning to do it until next week. Ironically, I really wanted to do it, pero sa sobrang busy at ngarag, di ako makahanap ng time para maibigay yun. Anu ba naman yun diba.

After that, lalong naWala na sa work ang puso ko. Di na nga ako nag-oovertime recently. Di na rin ako nag-uuwi ng work. Kumabaga, dati plantsado ang lahat bago magsimula ang araw. Ngayon, inaayos ko na lang sya pag anjan na ang problema. In
the end, pabilisan lang naman yun mag-isip ng solusyon.

I think nagampanan ko na yung tamang tungkulin ko para sa kanila. I know I've done so much. They take me for granted, so I have to teach them how to stand on their own. Hindi ko naman sila iiwan sa ere, one month naman ang effectivity ng resignation, just in time for lean season. Kitam, hanggang sa huli, pinagbibigyan ko pa rin sila.

It is time to move on, for both the company and I. Sa akin, for the better. Sa company...well good luck na lang sa kanila.