i miss them

In the 21 years of my life, I gained many friends, lost some, and treasured most. If someone would ask me who would be my most important friends, I could think of only five. But if they asked me which friend I'll be willing to die for, then there would only be one. But right now, if someone would ask me who are the friends I miss the most, then there would be three. Not because I miss them physically, but because our relationship is a friendship categorized as "what had gone wrong?"

3. Gail
During high school, we always go home together. We were in the same barkada until an incident broke us apart. Looking back at that incident, it was a very small misunderstanding, almost childish. No, I mean very childish. Really, what has gotten into their heads? I took the role of the mediator, and tried to lessen the tension. But it proved to be futile. In the end, she went her separate way, found a new set of friends, and almost became a stranger for the remaining year of our high school. Since then, I stopped hibernating at her house, stopped making calls, and stopped eating with her during lunch period. What a waste, the remaining year that we had. She could be irritating, but she's a friend. I enjoyed her company, and the pranks that we did together. Just recently, I was able to chat with her. We talked about a few things, like our job and an update of our classmates' state of being in this world. That's it. We did not talk about what she ate for dinner that night, or how she met her boyfriend, or how tall his brother is already. Even though she's my friend, a friend I miss so much, I can still feel the gap between us. If we would meet again (I told her I'll be visiting her house this December), I wonder if the tension would decrease. Somehow, I'm worried.

2. Brian
He is often online, but we never chatted. Like right now, I could see the yellow smiley icon before his name, but I don't bother to pm him. Maybe I'm afraid that he won't reply? Or if he does, he'll ask "ui, musta na?" and then ends it there. I've only known him for 2 years, but they were my precious two years in grade school, my best, unforgettable years. Mostly centered on our social circle, but we were in that same circle. He was my seatmate, my service-buddy, my itay for two years. He knew my faults, and accepted them. He admitted years ago that he saw me as his best friend during our grade school days, and was hurt when I transferred to SCT, and left him alone. I was very touched when he said that, and he was even close to crying. But look at us now. Geez, time could really be an annoying factor.

1. Aldrin
No one could probably beat him at this spot. We grew up together in the same neighborhood, me almost living at his place, our parents are kumpare and kumare, we studied at the same school, and we are at the same age. He was my first male friend, my first crush, and my first kiss. I studied in SMMS because he's studying there. I tranferred to SCT because he also transferred there. During my first year, we'd go to school together. He'd greet me when we meet in the hallway. He forbade me to call him by his nickname while we're in school. He'd sometimes wait for me when class ended, and then we'd go home together. Those were the days. And much more 10 years back. We even declared to marry each other when we grow up (we were six then), and his sister gave us her blessings. We'd play until sundown, and we'd try to best each other at everything (he's better in math, but my calligraphy is prettier), and we'd tell scary stories (i think i had more courage), and we'd also do foolish pranks against our opponents (mainly our siblings). We were great buddies, until high school. Then we started to drift apart. He returned to SMMS on his last year in high school, and I also almost left SCT with him for various reasons. Now, I rarely see him, and when I do, we just nod at each other. Last time we met, he called my name in high tone, and waved his hands. I miss our days together. We don't have to play games, or tell scary stories, or make pranks. I just want to sit with him (and rekindle old flames. *joke*). But he's too far already. And I'm just too lazy to reach out. I mean, that's just so troublesome. I guess I'm a bad friend, after all.

Come on guys, miss me too!!